My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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