I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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