sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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