so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
