According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
