so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize