Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
