Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
