Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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