You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
