Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
