You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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