how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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