i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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