Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
