I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
