i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
