yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
