im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
