butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
