i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
