i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
