i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
