his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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