There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize