I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
