It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
