we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
