There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
