i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
