I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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