Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
