I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
did i walk over a car last night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
