just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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