never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
