At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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