I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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