I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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