More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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