What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
