i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
