I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
