she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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