apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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