There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
