just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
