Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
