i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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