Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
