I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I accidentally burped into my bong.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
