I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your dad touched me again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
