Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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