I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A+ Viking dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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