do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
