they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
