i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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