yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
