Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
