we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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