you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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