I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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