Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
