:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
