in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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