my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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