Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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