I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Terrible idea I love it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
