someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
