before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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