You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
