GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
tell me about the fingering
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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