If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
