Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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