We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize